The Wonderful World of Consumer behavior

I have not written in a long time which is okay because as far as I know – no one reads this but those forced to do so for fear of a pop-quiz. Those people would be my partner Janie, my sister and my mom. I think that is it. Yep.

We are getting up at 4:00 am to prepare for a 5:45 am flight to Disney with Ingrid and Sean. This is our first trip to the Magic world created by Mr. Walt. We have been receiving a ton of advice from friends and family and in some cases complete strangers. I think that going to Disney for the first time is a bit like being pregnant for the first time and everyone is just brimming with advice. Alas, I am not a planner and that really bums some people out. My husband is a planner and has our days charted and mapped. I go along for the ride. This is good for my children because if we were left to my devices we would be wandering around the park with our mouths open surprised and starving. Who knew that planning your meals at this place would be a project challenging enough for the Secretary of State. So, we have a “meal plan” and this is supposed to be better than anything ever – better than crack and no addiction.

I have clothes layed out, bags packed, documents prepared, money, tickets, sun block, camera – AND my Blackberry, cell phone and laptop. Well, what would a vacation be without my work? I ask you how can I possibly survive without email and phone from the command center of marketing consulting and media buying? There are Ads to be sold and contracts to be signed.

I am very much looking forward to the 80 degree days as we here in southeastern North Carolina have been struggling through these 60-75 degree days for this very long winter. I do not dig cold weather. I do not like rain, even though we really need it and that Govoner in Georgia and his good wife have been praying for rain every day for 6 months or better. I wonder if that explains all this wet stuff? I am excited to see my children light up with excitement and wonder. I never went as a child so this is a pretty cool experience for Adam and I to do this for them.

I will say hello to Mickey for y’all and no we are not doing a character meal. Sorry. I just did not want to do that, I may change my mind.

You Know it's True

Ingrid is still sick. She feels like dirt, in fact she mentioned that she feels like a cow's butt smells. I did not make that up. But she did tell me this:

Me: How are you feeling?

Ingrid: Not good.

Me: Can I do anything?

Ingrid: My nose, my nose!

Me: Yeah honey, your nose is running.

Ingrid: It's running fast! I can't catch it.

Me: Ya know what, you are absolutely right.

Ingrid: I know, but that doesn't help me.

She is a smart cookie.

Homesick

It is a rainy, grey, blustery, yucky day. I don’t like it, not one little bit. I have a hard enough time making it through the winter but rain and gloom make it all the more difficult. I am feeling melancholy as it is. Sean is sleeping over at his friend’s house tonight, and although I am thrilled for him (let’s see if he makes it) I am sad because I will miss him. I always miss my kids, even when they are in the next room. I remember when I came home from the hospital with Ingrid and I was in pretty good pain for the first couple of days. She was a good baby and I loved her instantly. I could hear Adam and Sean in the living room, Sean was a little more than two. They were singing Bob the Builder songs and wearing bandanas on their heads, and dancing. I sat in bed nursing Ingrid and I cried and cried. I felt guilty and sad and mean and just horrible. I felt like I had injured my son by daring to produce another off-spring. How could I of all people bring anyone that would squarely compete with him for attention, food, and college funds into the world? What the hell was I thinking?

It was irrational, and it was scary and I was depressed. I think that the reason I was depressed after I delivered both of my children was due in large part to the very large ass and stomach I had acquired during my pregnancy. Jesus, could anyone have told me that the #3 with Sprite was an express train to a size 14? Anyway, it was awful. The best description I have ever heard to describe missing your child or children is “homesick.” We all know what that feels like. It is crippling and achy. It makes you weepy and tender, it brings you to your knees with wanting. That is how I feel when I miss my kids.

Watching these little steps that he is taking and those that Ingrid is taking make me proud and fearful. I am sure that I understood that motherhood would be filled with emotional car chases and that everyday would be a challenge and a triumph, but I don’t think that I ever could comprehend just how much of my home would live in them.

Ingrid is home sick today with me and with the germs that I so generously shared with her. She is in our bed right now and Adam is reading to her. She has bright pink cheeks and eyes that look like she just left a Frat House party, but she is so happy. She is in comfy clothes and she has her Dad, and his attention, his voice and his love. I am in here writing and working and trying to tie up my day. I can hear them, only faintly, and I am again over come by the guilt of being bedridden with my work load, sequestered with my projects. Work deadlines, like babies require your complete attention. I miss her, and if feels like the day that I was missing Sean and listening to him sing Bob the Builder songs with his Dad. I guess that I will always miss my kids if I want to raise them to be their own people. I will always miss my kids if I want them to be self sufficient and secure. I will miss my kids because I don’t want them to live in my basement and make their friends on-line.

The Next Generation of Men

I have often wondered if the ability to deal with children is intrinsic in women and a learned skill for men, because by all observable evidence it is. I think that it is similar to the chain reaction vomit syndrome; I throw up when I have to witness anyone but one of my children throwing up. It is some sort of internal primal mechanism that allows us to care for our sick young with out barfing on their heads.But when it comes to continuous screaming and crying, kicking and writhing, it takes a creature with ovaries to manage the chaos. Women react and respond to outrageous behavior differently than men, and it is not only in matters of unruly children. Women react differently when they encounter road rage, rude people in the grocery line, unexpected home repair issues, etc. Once you roll all of these issues into a category and determine one's ability or lack thereof to deal with them, it is a matter of coping mechanisms--and women have them.It is not meant to suggest that women possess a superiority over men in a general sense, it is merely pointed out here to illustrate what I believe to be a very important skill to teach our young sons, and a behavior or talent to foster in our daughters. Any mother raising a son(s) and a daughter(s) can attest, they are hard-wired differently at birth, and anyone who is married can attest that those differences become more pronounced with age.I am not offering clear advice here on how to teach this skill to boys, because I do not know myself how to go about doing it. I only attempt to encourage my son to take his time, to take a deep breath, and to remember that the calamity, no matter how great, can be dealt with. There is always a huge eruption when a piece of Lego goes missing, especially a Lego piece that is part of a Star Wars Clone Battle Fighter (seriously, I know this shit now), and if the matter is not taken seriously and met with complete urgency on my part there will be tears. Wailing. Gnashing of teeth, locusts, perhaps floods. The Universe hates missing Legos. His reaction always seems to me to be so totally overblown, and although my daughter is extremely dramatic (she is four and it is what four year old girls do), her reaction to a similar challenge is never panicked.I think that at the core of this for my son is that his primary reaction is believing that the situation is hopeless and therefore the only thing to do is panic. What can be done? How will I survive? Instead of realizing that the black piece of plastic that he had in his hand and in his sights 20 seconds prior did not grow legs and walk away. There is no measure of time between 1) Where did I put that? And 2) Holy Shit it is gone, gone, gone forever! There is the tipping point. Male humans do not have a pause. They do not stop, adjust, recalculate, and begin. Can we teach that?I hope so, I am trying. Women live their whole lives utilizing this process. Stop – I got my period. Adjust – these jeans will not zip today and I must select something else to wear. Recalculate – I think that this “Mamas and Papas” style house dress looks pretty. Begin – I can wear this to the party and everyone will think I am being “hip”. Coping leads to recovery.I do not think that there is a magic bullet, I know there is no one way to teach the process of challenge recovery to our boys, but there are multiple ways to teach them. I firmly 100% agree with the much celebrated comments made by Sally Field when she accepted her Emmy award: “If mothers ran the world, there would be no goddamned wars.” Because women know how to pause. Can we teach this to our sons? Can we all make a vow to at least try? What if that simple skill alone could become part of the one wish we all have – World Peace?This is a grand over simplification on my part, but we are growing human beings here--which is no small task. We are helping to create the leaders of tomorrow, men and women. I say let's help them embrace the differences and value the skill sets they hold in common and value and endeavor to learn the skills that they do not. What a wonderful generation that would be.

A Little Black Rain Cloud

It is a cold, wet, dreary day. If I were Winnie-the-Pooh I would call it a blustery day, and follow-up a ha-rumph with a little smile. If I were Pooh Bear I would go visit Piglett and then pay a visit to Rabbit in search of something sweet. If I were Pooh, I might just think myself out of this little dark rain cloud that has been following me about all afternoon. Ah, alas where is A.A Milne when you need him to write you up a dose of “better?”

Instead, I will go and crawl into bed with my kids and maybe even Adam and watch a movie and eat some popcorn and feel better for having changed into comfy clothes. I will put butter on the popcorn because I think that I earned it – which is silly, but oh well. I will fall asleep surrounded my children and feel better for having allowed them to sleep in our bed. I will dream of things and places that involve people I love and a little sunshine, and I hope that tomorrow I will wake up as Pooh Bear and not Eyore.

Calling Don King!!

Okay, so Jane and I were on The Big Idea with Donny Deutsch last week, and for those of you who missed it! I am trying to get the video for the site, because I know that you want nothing more that to watch Jane and me sitting there staring at Don King and smiling and thinking….wait, what does boxing have to do with t-shirts? What is he saying and why is he yelling at Donny Deutsch? Are they totally going to throw down? And looking to Carson for a little support but he was staring too…and I don’t think he could take Don King. It was sort of like being a little drunk and not knowing if you are making an idiot of yourself at the party trying to sound not a little drunk and not a little stupid.

But I will tell you that if you watch for no other reason than to get a gander of the make-up that we have on…….I will understand.

Carson Kressley was so funny I thought, wow, there really is a difference between FUNNY people and funny people. He is FUNNY. He is also really nice and amazingly authentic for a celebrity. Not that I have met a lot of celebrities, but the two that I have met…hands down Carson wins the real human award. He also wears fabulous clothes and looked very fresh and clean and spanky.

Donny Deutsch was great to us and he really seemed to care about making us and our product look good. He was supportive and encouraging and everything one could hope for in a good looking rich uncle! He is not my uncle, and he is not Jane’s uncle either. I am just saying that he is a good representation of what I would personally want in a good looking rich uncle.

Then there were all of the really cool people that we met in the green room. The green room was not however, green.
Everyone was nice and acted like we totally belonged there, and that our t-shirts were the best thing since TiVO or microwave popcorn. It was fun and exciting and I can’t wait to do it again. So if anyone is reading this and they want us on their television show, we are available.

Back to calling Don King. I am going to call Don King. He gave us his personal business card. He told us to call. I am going to call and remind him that he said to let him know if he could do anything for us, and I can think of a lot of things that he could do for us, so I am going to call him – tomorrow.

I sent an email to Caron’s PR person, who was lovely and said that we should contact her. We also found out today that a really great, fabulous and all together wonderful shop here in town is going to carry our shirts!

But, Don King. I am calling Don King………..but does anyone know if his guy won the fight?

Life 101

It is the small lessons in life that require our complete attention, and not the huge, wailing issues that are our greatest teachers. I find lately that I am much more dialed in to the subtle prerequisites for my life as a mother that are proving the greatest tests of my aptitude for the job.

I often fail.

But, sometimes I pass. Being patient is not one of my strengths. This proves to serve me well in a career as a sales person, however not so much in my post as a mother.

My daughter is five, going on Hannah Montana. She is filled with snappy answers, piss and vinegar, self confidence and outright defiance. She makes me so proud! I am learning from her that getting the answer I want is not always the answer that I need. I am learning from her that listening is a far more important part of communication than speaking. I am learning from her that she may be incorrect, but she is not wrong.

I am learning from her that in order to teach her the grace necessary to be a good looser, or to admit being incorrect, I have to allow myself to be human and make mistakes. I am learning that once I detach my ego from an issue I am a much better detective in my search for a solution.

These are not easy lessons and they can be subtle and easily missed. If I am patient however, if I listen, if I make it about the issue and not about me…..I am finding myself worthy of at least a B+ in this course. Yeah!